Monday, May 14, 2012

Domestic Engineering Manual for Mommies

This blog may sound more crude then my usual tone due to having had a rough week.  With that said, I would really like to see a simple book out there for moms that encompasses all the topics and skills you need, to run a house and raise kids.  While, I know there isn't a simple method for raising kids, I think you could sum up the first three months of a babies life with some proven methods that work for the majority of babies out there.

Becoming a mom of four kids in as many years and running a house was a drastic change for me.  I have a house to take care of and run, a garden and yard now in my possession, budgets and several bank accounts and cooking for 5 (soon 6) instead of 1.  I think someone should publish a book that has a separate chapter for each topic and have it easy to tab, so you can access the info you need in a flash.  Even some rip out reference charts, you could tape over the change table, to trouble shoot why your baby may be screaming at 3am and some proven methods that work to soothe them.  My brain doesn't work wonderful at that hour and I am certain I am not alone, maybe I forgot something!?.

I have never taken care of a garden in my life and 13 years in a row, I kill my hanging plants each summer, longest lasting mid July.  I got a bunch of books on gardening and was completely overwhelmed by the whole topic.  Acidic dirt, types of plants, foods, fungus, parasites and the list goes on.  I am for once in my life not wanting to know the hows and whys something may work, I just want to know it does.  Who cares WHY it turns into a lump of brown shit by the end of the season, I just want to know how to prevent it.  Tell me the easiest flowers to plant and survive in sun and shade, then shut up!  I want a book that can make you look like Martha Stewart, even if you are Courtney Love.  I don't have time to read the background on every damn flower and fern, or what kind of pesticide, fungicide or spermicide or whatever it is you spray on your plants.  I want to know how to get a garden that looks like my pot smoking neighbour's does, who lives a few doors down.  If someone told me, pissing on my plants made them grow, I would do it.  I could care less, why it works at this point.

A whole section on how to trick your kids into eating healthy food would be helpful too.  I have a toddler who would be happy to eat cheesies and peanut butter for every meal.  How do I make her think shes eating cheesies and peanut butter, but its really carrots and tofu.  I have tried so many recipes and she hates them all.  So she eats fruit for supper if she refuses to eat what we are eating.  Its stressful, so if anyone had some tips, that would be great.  As moms we have been doing this for a million years, why is everyone keeping all the good advice a secret?  Why do I have to buy several books or go to different websites and baby groups for each subject?  One book is all I want.  Maybe what I am asking is too much.  I would write it if I could, but I don't have all the answers.  I don't even have some of the answers, but I can tell you one thing, when I find something that works, I tell everyone I know.  Why should others have to reinvent the wheel 6 thousand 4 hundred and 36 damn times? (random number)

I am a busy mom on mat leave and moms who are working have even less time to fuss around with this shit!  We simply don't have time for all the reading and research that's involved.  I wouldn't even want it written like a book, point form only. Keep it Simple Stupid.  Even writing this blog is taking up too much of my free time.  Maybe after falling on my face a thousand times, I will in fact write the book and put an end to this madness for all the future moms after me.  Would you buy it?

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